The first time I had sex I was 14; my boyfriend choked me and fingered me silently while we watched Ichi the Killer with his best friend. I’ve never submitted to anyone since, but it did set me up for a lifetime of depraved, kinky sex. I grew up in New York City, a great place to get in trouble and no place to raise children. It wasn’t long after starting high school that I began exploring queer sex. It wasn’t hard to do, I attended the same NYC arts school as Basquiat and Aronofsky; a school best known amongst New York City street kids for our openly gay principal and easily available ecstasy. I quickly fell into the wrong circle of friends and before I knew it, I too was doing drugs and having lesbian orgies with double sided dildos. It wasn’t until I was 16, however, that I met my first Dom and attended my first BDSM sex party.
Let me rephrase, rather, it wasn’t until I was 16 that I entered New York City’s entire fetish, kink, BDSM sex universe! At the time I was in a polyamorous relationship with three women, two of whom were both dating a 20-year-old college student and Dom named Fred. When they first introduced me to Fred we gathered (where all important business was settled at that time in my life) somewhere on the handball courts of a public park in Brooklyn. Within two minutes of meeting him he had me and my girlfriend handcuffed to the court’s chain-link fence. Fred intrigued me, and although I would never actually play with him (quickly learning from the experience with the handcuffs that I was not submissive) I felt attracted to his openness and curiosity…as well his fucking machines. Fred was a tech aficionado and had a fetish for orgasm control, using fucking machines and vibrators to subjugate women. My first vibrator, a corded Hitachi magic wand, was a birthday gift from Fred, granting me my first orgasm at an age where many women couldn’t find their clit yet.
Fred took us to private play parties all across NYC; loft parties, speakeasies, tasteful, exotic soirees doused in dark lighting and the scent of lavender gin. It was in shadowy, hidden spaces like this that I remember seeing latex on a woman for the first time; black thigh-high stockings, six-piece garter belt, and a kitty hood slicked to a high shine that aroused me instantly. It was also here that I felt the sting of my first violet wand, cracked my first whip, and teased my first submissive man. It was none of these things that made me want to become a Dominatrix, however.
In New York there exists a society of BDSM practitioners and educators who have hosted private meetings and lectures since the 1970s—The Eulenspeigel Society (also known as TES). Due to COVID-19 TES has since moved its classes online, but back then one could explore any number of sexual curiosities and perversions in person. I would know, I once saw a woman stripped naked, burned with wax, and tortured with knives in front of the entire classroom. A story I’ll divulge in part 2 😉