Sept 20’ Dominatrix of Color: Dia Dynasty

[Q1]:  So just to introduce, we’re talking to Dia Dynasty, a beautiful Dominatrix based in NYC.  Now to start things off, how long have you been involved in Femdom? 

DD:  Professionally for 11 years.  Maybe in some other ways it’s been a lifetime of Femdom.  I feel like my grandmother was a matriarch, and we didn’t have a lot of men in our family.  The men in our family came in through marriage so I didn’t have a lot of men around.  So Femdom was trained into me from an early age. 

TB:  So from an early age you just thought that women ruled the world, right? 

DD:  it’s totally normal, and if it isn’t, it should be. 

TB:  Were you a lifestyle domme prior to going professional? 

DD:  I think I was a lifestyle pervert!  I was fluid with the power dynamics.  I definitely enjoyed power dynamics, and I didn’t really have a vocabulary for this kink other than just being a pervert.   

TB:  Did you get introduced to the scene in NY or somewhere else? 

DD:  It was definitely NY, because it’s not out in the open in Texas.  It’s the Bible Belt and people didn’t do kinky things.  BDSM and kink weren’t public, so it stayed nicely underground.  When I came to NY I decided I didn’t want to stay underground, unglamourous.  I wanted to do a little more sex work.  I had done some stripping when I was in Texas, so that was my segue into the NY scene.  I worked at a large strip club but all the money went to the men.  You might make a lot of money but ultimately, when you walked in the door you already owed money to the management. 

TB:  They own you.  I’ve stripped before, and, well, it’s a gentlemen’s club.  It’s an intentionally patriarchal space, right?  So stripping was your entry, but you didn’t feel like it was kinky enough? 

DD:  Yeah, I didn’t feel like I had any power, I was doing a lot of legwork for not a lot of reward.  I felt like, there has to be more than this.  It was also very superficial, you gussy yourself up for the male, and you put all this effort into the way that you look…you want to look like yourself but you want to appeal to a certain demographic of people who come in, and it felt like that’s all there was. After one day at the strip club I knew it wasn’t my thing.  The girl that got me the job at the club said one of the higher-ups at the club liked kink, and this was concurrent with me finding a dungeon that was actually hiring.  So this seemed more up my alley, so she and I had a session with the person I mentioned.  It was in an office, it was down and dirty, way more dirty that I was used to, and I was, like, yeah, this is what I’m talking about.  This is where I belong! 

TB:  Wait, you dominated the boss of your club? 

DD:  It wasn’t my boss, it was somebody in management on the back end of things. 

TB: Wow! This really goes to show that there’s so much joy involved in sex work.  A lot of people enjoy the work, and we’re not being coerced into it. 

DD:  It’s  such a damaging narrative, and it keeps being perpetuated, especially by feminists.  I think the narrative is perpetuated by the idea that women who enjoy sex work have been brainwashed into believing that that’s joy.   And I’m here to say that’s not true, but I may not be the kind of sex worker they’re targeting. 

TB:  That’s true, survival sex work is a reality, but that’s not my experience. 

DD:  Yeah, so that’s a category of sex work that we honor, but you and I don’t belong in that category.  It doesn’t discount our experience as sex workers but it doesn’t invalidate their experience as sex workers either.  All of that exists under the umbrella of sex work.  It’s important to recognize, especially if you’re a sex worker exclusionary radical feminist , that maybe what you’re honing in on is a niche of sex work and that there are other areas of sex work that also need to be listened to. 

TB:  A lot of times people can be caught up in paradigms.  I hung out with a friend recently, and one of his partners was there, she teaches human sexuality at one of the ivy league universities, and we’re talking about OnlyFans and she didn’t even know the typical salary range of a performer. And I thought, what are you teaching these people about human sexuality?   So even people who you would think are more progressive can still be very misinformed as to the reality of people in this industry. 

DD:  I totally agree with you about being misinformed, and it makes you wonder, do you have a personal agenda here? Why are you not covering the other stuff that’s also true?  Why are you focused on the parts that are so awful?   

[Q2]:  Leading to my next question, what’s your favorite fetish? 

DD:  Well, I have some personal fetishes that I don’t really play with in session.  Professionally, it’s not something that I can fulfill in session, but they are my favorites because they’re so uncommon. One is balloons, and people who fetishize balloons are called “looners.”  I’ve only seen one and I’ve only seen him twice, and he’s really sweet.  He lacks filters in his ears, so he has to wear earplugs wherever he goes.  He’ll use words like BTP which means blow to pop.  It’s so niche.  So his thing is having a beautiful woman holding this balloon, threatening the pain of ear trauma and she knows it.  She’s teasing and threatening him with BTP. 

TB:  I want this!  Are there any looners in the audience, because I want one! 

DD:  I do know that Ms. Couple is a looner, because she’s talked about this before. 

TB:  Is this kind of a newer fetish, because I would imagine, after being a dominatrix for so many years you would have evolved in what you like, right? 

DD:  For sure.  In being my favorite, it’s not necessarily that it turns me on, it’s something that I enjoy and I enjoy providing for someone else, and engaging on that level of play.  I think there’s a looner meet up and a few forums on this subject, but it’s not a super popular fetish as far as I can tell. 

TB:  I’m surprised, because they have a category for it in I Want Clips so I know people must be interested, but I guess it’s just letting people know. 

DD:  Yeah, it’s like playful and safe and fun, it’s not like crushing bugs and putting them in your urethra or something like that.  Another one of my fetishes that I think everyone can enjoy is clowns.  So this is something that is born from my perverted nature.  People are afraid of clowns, and I can definitely see why, because there have been murderers dressed as clowns, showing up at kids’ birthday parties and doing weird things with kids.  And anyone can dress up as a clown. 

TB:  And you don’t know who’s under the clown costume! 

DD:  Right, but they always look menacing.  It’s also popular in horror media as well.  So, as a pervert I find it really fun and hot.  The idea of a serial killer clown. 

TB:  I have a friend who is a photographer, we just did a shoot yesterday, he knew a girl who was crazy and used to harass people…she would go upstate to the correctional facility and visit Jeffrey Dahmer; she would go hang out with serial killers.  I didn’t know you could go visit them and become their pen pals. 

DD:  I think some people do have fantasies about having romantic connections with serial killers, and maybe even being killed by them?  I don’t know, that’s a little further… 

TB:  Well, probably, I mean people have fantasies about being with dead people. 

DD:  There is such a thing as “murder fetish”, and then there are fetishes around murder where murder is not the point, but can sometimes be the result. 

TB:  There are executrix dommes who lead you through the steps that they’d take to kill you. 

DD:  Oh I like that, I’ve always wanted to make a snuff film.  Lucy just brought up a client that we had named Fussy Jack who did have a snuff fantasy  where we would do exactly what you are talking about, verbalizing everything we would do, ending with murdering him by stuffing him in a plastic bag and drowning him in piss…something like that.  So that’s definitely a real fetish.  Now back to clowns, there’s definitely a playfulness to it, where I’m making you into a clown, you don’t get a choice, then you have to play the clown, and entertain me.  None of this is what you’re into, but it’s what I’m into. 

TB:  I like the idea of them entertaining you.  I’m into that.  When I do feminization sessions, or cross-dressing, I love getting the person in costume, but then asking them “how are your going to seduce me?”  They have to take on this role, they have to play the part, and that’s what makes it come alive. 

DD:  It’s fun to talk about those fetishes and to engage with them in an imagination-way, and then acting it out in a real way because your brain is your most powerful sex organ, so it doesn’t actually have to be “death.” 

TB:  Right, but it relates to a final climax, this super climatic moment where we’re all terrified, and the fear can be extremely arousing.  

[Q3]: Are there any latex fetish or designers that you really love? 

DD:  I have always loved William Wilde Latex.  It’s always fun and elegant, and there’s kind of a retro look where the styles look like Barbie clothes.  I love  Atsuko Kudo, and I really enjoy the designs of DeadLotus.  She’s this really gorgeous girl who models her own creations.  You should take a look…It’s maybe a little more on the avant-garde side, but it’s gorgeous stuff, very elegant.  As far as other materials, I’m kind of a collector, I go around buying stuff that’s kind of vintage.  I haven’t bought anything “new” in a long time.  Vintage leathers, things off of eBay… 

TB:  So if I were a sub, adoring you right now, how do I get your attention?  Is it latex?  It sounds more like leather? 

DD:  I love leather, more than latex, maybe because I’m a little older and latex is so uncomfortable for me now.  Honestly, I have so much wardrobe now that I don’t need any more latex.  I don’t need any more high heels, I don’t need more stockings, if that’s your fetish, then buy it for me and I’ll wear it. Ilike Wolford, that’s simple and well-made, is awesome.  I like simplicity.  But if you really wanted to get my attention, what I love is seeds!  Seeds are going to be the currency of the future on the FemdomFarm.  You want zucchini?  Bring me zucchini seeds and we’ll plant them, I’ll even name the zucchini plant after you, and you can tend to the zucchini plant, and when we get some zucchinis, I’ll cook it for you! 

[Q4]:  Speaking of the Femdom Farm, what’s something you’re excited about? 

DD:  The Femdom Farm is going to be a safe place for when the shit hits the fan in this country.   It’s going to be a safe place for people who want a taste of the country life.  I intend to put subs to work.  So on the Femdom Farm, there are woods, and deep in the woods there’s a little shack.  If you are a sub, and you are looking to live on the Femdom Farm, for a little while or a long while, you’ll have to go through an initiation.  The first step of the initiation, which is my fantasy that you can consent or reject,  but if you help me fulfill my fantasy, then you’re more likely to be accepted rather than rejected.  I kidnap you from the city, and drive you for hours out to the country, and put you in that shack and put a little chain around your neck, so that you can stay tethered to the shack and give you a little bowl and a shovel, and that’s where you will stay until I decide that you’re well initiated. 

TB:  I love this.  I was going to say, give him an ax, and have the sub build the shack, then chain him to it, and he’s good to go. 

DD:  Well, if he has an ax, he can cut firewood for me, we can build a big bonfire and we can spit roasthim over it! 

TB:  So, on the Femdom Farm, are the subs like farmers or are they pigs?  What role do they play?  Are they the farm animals or are they the farmers? 

DD:  There is no set role, so it depends on what you come with.  If you’re a big fat slob and you can’t do anything worthwhile, then you’re a pig and you might get slaughtered.  And you go live with the pigs in the mud in the pig stye, and you eat things off the ground.  If you are willing to learn something and to work on your personal growth, work on connecting with nature, then you can do a little gardening, I will teach you a few things, figure something else out for you.  Maybe you’re good at driving the tractor, so we’ll have you drive the tractor, or if you’re really good with bees, then you’ll tend to the bees, with the crotch cut out of your pants.  Whatever you’re qualified to do, or whatever you’re good at, let’s do that. 

TB:  The more you talk about the farm., the more possibilities I see, and the more I want to be at the farm.  I want the beekeeper with the crotch cut out, that’s a dream come true. 

DD:  There will be fruit trees that will need to be harvested, and it would be great if you wore a little dress with an apron so you’d have somewhere to put the peaches.  There is room for everybody.  If you’re a cross dresser, let’s put you into a little cottage dress, and have you go pick peaches.  If you’re into being buried, we can bury you, have you sprout some seeds and harvest you later!  We can plant you, we can compost you, we can cook you, we can imprison you, we can tie you to the trees, we could put you in the garden as a scarecrow. 

TB:  It’s a carbon-zero vision, so we need to recycle all the waste, and considering you’re going to have a lot of men there, you’re going to have a lot of waste.  We have to recycle all of that.  Everything gets used, nothing gets thrown away.  So how do you join the Femdom Farm?  When is it getting started?  How do people stay in touch, people may want to donate to help in getting the vision together…how can people get involved? 

DD:  I’m working on setting up a GoFundMe, and that will be available through my twitter and Instagram handles.  My Instagram handle is @dia__dynasty and twitter @dominadynasty.  This is not a herd mentality, so if you’re interested in reaching out to me and developing a connection and rapport with me, the best way to do that is to come see me in a session.  I will assess your skills and your value, I will examine you with gloves on, I will make sure your heart beats correctly and  you breathe properly, and your balls move when you cough. 

TB:  You need to be suitable for hard labor.  Please don’t come to the Femdom Farm and think that you can sit on your fat ass and slob around like you do at home with your wife.  It doesn’t work that way, right? 

DD:  Yes, remote sessions are available at the moment, but when I get busy with the Femdom Farm, I’m not going to have a lot of time to sit around and do remote sessions because so much will be going on in real time, so get it while you can.  I want to be as inclusive as possible, so if you are disabled, if you’re living with a chronic illness, or a chronic disability or whatever, we’ll find a use for you.   I’m not trying to rule anybody out, but if you’re lazy, the Femdom Farm is not a place to be lazy, and you will be treated like livestock. 

TB:  I love everything about the Femdom Farm, and hopefully, it will be a place for dommes to come and use as well, right?  I feel like this is a move towards the future, especially where we’re at now.  I think people are craving a spiritual connection, or a lot of people are really into tantra, especially vanilla people really like it.  So thinking about how we can connect spirituality and kink, or turn kink into something more organic, treat it like a living, breathing organism, I love that idea, I love that concept. 

DD:  I love the way you describe that.  I think that’s absolutely one of the goals of the Femdom Farm; to create and foster a connection to spirit through nature, and I think that is really important right now because we are lacking in that spiritual approach to things.  Nature is like God; God is talking to you through the wind and the trees and the water and the rain and everything, whether you call it God or not.  The reason for the Femdom Farm is because Mother Nature is the mother, and the grandmother, and the great grandmother, and all of the mothers.  So, there is going to be sort of an honoring of matriarchal ancestry. 

[Q5]: Tell us one of your best session stories? 

DD:  Well, the looner session was definitely a lot of fun.  You know, my favorites will change based on where I am in my career, like how evolved I get.  I guess one of the best sessions I’ve had recently, and I’ll be honest, it’s not the sexiest thing, was with a client I was meeting for the very first time.  And he seemed to be not in his body, like in his head.  So what I did was very basic in my opinion, a combination of kink and energy work.  So I put him in a rope bondage harness, a tortoise tie, with a bunch of knots that go down the front and up the back.  For each knot, we imbued it with energy, and for each knot, you think of something you want to release, and then we hold it in the knot.  Then I had him lay down, and I did some reiki on him, with my crystals and my bowl and my smoke, and all this stuff.  That wasn’t exactly kink, but then I did a little bit of flogging, and that was done with the intent of hitting the energy away that was clouding him, he wanted to reach clarity on some things.  As we untied each knot, he took in a breath and released a breath.  When you do things with symbolism, when you’re doing things with intention, for something greater or internal, then I feel like that gives it more dimension.  So it’s notjust me playing with ropes, it’s us having an experience with ropes where we’re putting energy into it and releasing energy from it.  That was one of my very favorite sessions and I actually did that at Temple.  For you guys who don’t know Temple.NYC, Temple is a multifunctional space founded by@Tiemetightly (William), for intentional body work.  So like mindful movements, kink, flesh suspensions, dance classes, and all kinds of things, stuff to help get in your body and release energy. 

TB:  I did a photoshoot at Temple, which is how I met Will, and it’s just beautiful.  You can tell the intentionality of everything you do there.  It’s a beautiful play space. I saw you do the hook suspension and the piercing suspension, a lot of different rope play, things like that, that I was just so impressed byall of it. 

DD:  Yeah, there’s a lot going on there that’s different, but they all come together too.  So thank you for that compliment.  And it’s also a photo studio, that’s another kind of act of creation that happens there. 

TB:  I could see that you clearly put a lot of intention into your sessions, because nobody’s talking aboutkink and spirituality right now.  Like nobody’s thinking about that now.  Well maybe somebody is but it’s not actively…. 

DD:  It’s not the sexiest thing about kink. I think a lot of people are drawn to kink because of how sensationalized it is and how it looks. 

TB:  And how devoid it is of spirit and how it’s painted as just sex. 

DD:  Yeah, or just about the sex, body, pain, and danger, you know.  And it does have those things in it too, but it can be so much deeper, and it can even be a space of healing, especially when you get more psychologically into it, where what a domme is doing is holding space for you to be very vulnerable, to experience the things that you never felt safe experiencing, and to guide you through that experience, lovingly, without judgement, and safely.  So, there’s a lot of opportunity and space for healing and for being accepted for what you are, whatever that is. 

TB:  Yeah,  I love that.  I love that you just said that.  Because I do think, to its core, that that’s a great domme.  Somebody who sees and understands that what this really is about is… an experiential thing, a sensual thing.  People come to us not only with these base fantasies that they’re trying to fulfill, but also something that they’re seeking to experience.  They’re looking for someone who can facilitate that experience. 

DD:  It can be scary and overwhelming.  I think having a guide who is kind of like us, you know, somebody who is articulate, somebody who is knowledgeable, who is sexy, somebody who has a certain power about them, and knows how to use their power can be extremely appealing too.  So what better way to combine feminine power tan with an experience in being vulnerable. 

[Q6]:  I guess this is a good way to segue into our last question.  How has your unique background influenced the way you approach femdom? 

DD:  I have spent quite a bit of my life engaging in yoga and magic.  So I am a witch and I use my ritualism in a lot of my sessions. And then, with Yoga, that’s something that’s extremely important to me as well, because it’s a lifestyle where everything I do is mindful movement.  Like breathwork; remembering to breathe, breathing through the pain, breathing through the discomfort, as well as holding certain positions in your body.  Then there’s the more philosophical part of yoga, like being non-violent, non-stealing, and keeping your space clean.  All of these are really important to me as a Femdom.  It helps me to keep my space immaculate, it helps me to remember to always use my words intentionally, because sometimes speech is violent, right?  Sometimes when you speak to someoneyou’re using words of attack.  So I have to be mindful of using non-violent means of communication.  And then, of course, my spirituality, being a witch.  I call myself an alpha-witch.  It’s like an energy exchange within a space.  You know when you set up a space, you create a perimeter around the space and that’s where the ritual happens.  It could be something as simple as walking into the space, taking off your shoes, slowly undressing, and as you remove each layer of clothing, you’re taking off a piece of  your day, and you’re leaving it behind.  So you’re entering a sacred space, without the shit from the day.  Really simple stuff. 

TB:  Well it makes sense, so much of BDSM is practices and rituals, setting the stage for things.  As I’ve come to learn, Femdom is so far reaching– there’s no one particular way to go about it– so we set up spaces, rituals, props, and equipment, to create a look that makes it real in people’s minds.  It’s amazing because there’s so much room for interpretation, so much room for unique, super interesting specialDommes like yourself to come in and bring a different energy that people aren’t playing with or peoplehaven’t otherwise thought of.  That’s the beautiful thing about kink and about what you do. 

DD:  Yeah, it’s definitely playing with the idea of fantasy and making that real, but also, in my spirituality and in my yoga and Femdom, there’s this idea of the Goddess.  That is a very all-encompassing  architype, where you can play with that in many different ways.  That can be something that’s contained within a session, you know, “call me goddess and kiss my feet” but then it can extend outside of session where you ask “what are you doing for your Goddess today?”  How are you devoting your time? And also, goddess not being one person, but goddess energy.  So like your wife has goddess energy too, so what are you doing for her?  What goddess things are you devoting yourself to? I think that crosses different kinds of boundaries and compartments.  I don’t believe in compartmentalizing things too rigidly, I think calling something what it is and keeping it too rigidly in a compartment is useful in some ways but ultimately life is about integration and you want to live a wholistic life by integrating all the parts of yourself including your sexuality. 

TB: I love this. All of your philosophies are so interesting, you’re thinking about things on a totally higher level than I think anybody I’ve spoken to, and it’s been really fantastic to see.  I’m super excited to see what you materialize with the Femdom Farm because we need it.  The world needs your approach tofemdom. 

You can find more on Dia Dynasty by following her Twitter (@dominadynasty), Instagram(@dia__dynasty), or website dominadynasty.com